Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
This is a hard one for me. The part of 1 Corinthians 13 when they get to, keeps no record of wrongs, that always gets me. Not that I am any shining star in any of the other categories either, but that one has always been a struggle for me.
There is a show that Hubby and I have watched a bit on tv where the husband keeps this record he calls "the bank". Every time that he messes up really badly and his wife is really upset, he goes to his computer, opens up "the bank" and uses one of the records of her wrongdoings. He often uses them to defuse the situation and turn it away from him getting in trouble for his mistake but instead tries to turn them into "teaching" opportunities for his wife.
Hubby and I both chuckled at the hijinks of it all as she found out and exploded on him. But this idea is something that I think so many people, in a lesser sense, do. We often save up our spouses wrongs so that we can hold them over them at a later date. We may accept an apology and move on from the situation, but we hold onto the hurt and frustrations from it and don't really let go.
In my lifetime I have seen this so many times. I don't want to air dirty laundry so I will use alias' since its not my story to tell.
Alice and Jim are loud arguers. They raise their voices on a regular basis and are not afraid of a full out yelling match. Jim often accuses Alice of holding onto their past fights and using them against him. Alice accuses Jim of the same thing. Nearly every time they argue, they don't remain on the same topic for long, old issues always come up. Alice and Jim also rarely say that they are sorry. They can go for days without speaking to each other and one of them will often leave the house to end a disagreement that isn't going how they want. Fights are normally over when things are less heated and they are forced to talk to each other again because of family gatherings, the kids, or other life events.
We all make many mistakes. If anyone does not make a mistake with his tongue by saying the wrong things, he is a perfect man. It shows he is able to make his body do what he wants it to do.
James 3:2 (NLT)
We are all imperfect people trying to love imperfect people.
We all make mistakes.
For all men have sinned and have missed the shining-greatness of God.
Romans 3:23 (NLT)
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| This is a perfect photo of me while I am not so impressed. My face shows it all and my Brother in Law captured it perfectly. I am not very good at hiding it if I am displeased or frustrated about something, let alone angry. |
So, how do we walk out a life of showing love by forgiving our spouse?
The bible gives us some great verses telling us that we need to forgive the wrong doings of others just like God has forgiven us.
Who is a God like You, Who forgives sin and the wrong-doing of Your chosen people who are left? He does not stay angry forever because He is happy to show loving-kindness. He will again have loving-pity on us. He will crush our sins under foot. Yes, You will throw all our sins into the deep sea. You will be true to Jacob and show loving-kindness to Abraham, as You promised our fathers in days long ago.
Micah 7:18-20
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32
Jesus speaks to Peter in Matthew 18 and tells him that he must forgive his brother seventy seven times. But in Luke Jesus goes even farther than forgiveness. He challenges his followers to not just forgive, but to love our enemies, and do good to those that hate us, turn our cheek and give to everyone who asks or takes from us.
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Matthew 18:21-22
“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back.And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them."
Luke 6:27-31
So in showing love by walking in forgiveness we need to actually practice real, honest forgiveness. Forgiveness that actually moves on from the wrong doing, that does not hold onto it or store it for revenge at a later time.
When we can walk in real forgiveness we walk in freedom from bitterness and revenge and anger that builds up when we don't let go of the wrong doing. If we hold onto even the smallest part instead of forgiving, we allow a foothold in our marriage. We allow there to be a weakened spot for the enemy to use against us and build onto. Eventually that foothold will become a stronghold in our marriage and will take a lot of work to knock down and move on from.
This week, my challenge to you is again multiple challenges ( but I am sure you can handle it) :
1. Pray that God would help you to be more like Christ called us to be, not easily offended, blessing of those that hate us, and forgiving of those who wrong us. (Specifically toward our spouses but also in that it would spread to our whole lives)
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 19:11
2. Walk in real forgiveness this week. Try to forgive quickly, even without apology, and truly move on from the wrong doing instead of saving it for later or holding onto the anger or hurt.
Let me know how it goes. Blessings.
Anita
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